The 4th gift that Motherhood has given me is, Joy. I know that sounds kind’ve obvious…Yea-duh Motherhood is the most joyful thing in the entire word, but I mean all that it encompasses. Actually, I think a better word would be, bliss.
To Me, Joy Is…
First of all, I care less about what other people think. BOOM. WOAH. That statement right there. I honestly never thought I’d be able to say that.
Don’t get me wrong, I still care (and probably always will)…but not like I used to. And that is probably one of the most freeing and joyful things that’s ever happened to me. While I was modeling, I made sure that I was always in tip top shape. My hair, my makeup, my nails, my clothes- it all had to be just right. The time and energy I used to spend on those things & then worrying about what everyone else thought…honestly makes me crack up (currently laughing out loud sooo hard). To put it simply, I don’t have time anymore to think about those things like I used to, or care that much about what other people think, and the craziest part is- I feel more beautiful than I ever have. It’s truly a sense of empowerment. The pressure society puts on us, and in turn WE put on OURSELVES, is borderline tragic. I remember when I got pregnant I was SO worried about my body changing because I had put SO much energy and time into making it look a certain way. My body changed a lot, and to be honest, it did go back to almost exactly what it was before I got pregnant, BUT the point is, I now look at my body as this beautiful, badass, human growing/birthing/feeding body. I feel stronger, more passionate, healthier, and to again use the word…BADASS. Even though I still have my insecurities and at times fall into the trap, I now look at my body more with a sense of admiration and awe than I do a “work in progress”. And I have to thank my little Kaia for that. If it hadn’t had been for becoming a Mommy, I may have never looked at my body this way, and in turn had this new freedom.
Then there’s the joy in seeing different parts of yourself grow and become stronger. It’s discovering your new found energy when It’s only 3PM and you’re totally exhausted as you swear your child is part monkey whilst she Circue Du Solei’s around the entire house ( it’s basically realizing you’re a camel…except you have a reserve hump of energy instead of water which is AMAZING). It’s the hurts, the upset tummy’s and all the tears that you know you’re EQUIPPED to handle because you’re now a Professional Owee Fixerer/Tears Kisserer SUPERHERO. It’s the PATIENCE you realize you’ve grown to have when the scrumptious meal you made has yet again ended up on the floor because of the apparently valid explanation of “No!” It’s realizing the WISDOM and CALMNESS you now are equipped with when the dogs are going ballistic over Terry the taunting squirrel, the little one is screaming for no known reason, and now the second batch of pancakes are burning, as you one handedly master the entire situation all whilst somehow laughing at it all.
Joy is also in the little things. It’s the “Mama-mama-mama” I hear from the backseat as a tiny little hand creeps up to wave “hi” as we’re driving to wherever we’re driving to. It’s the 20%-teeth-80%-gummy smile I get first thing every morning that just fills my heart up so big I swear it’s going to kersplode. It’s watching her drag Dada all over the playground whilst refusing to let go of his hand, or watching them snuggle as he reads her “I Am A Bunny” for the 1,987th time. It’s the squeal she makes when I chase her around the dining room and the sweet snuggles I get every afternoon as she examines every part of my face. It’s the tiny little hands that wrap around the back of my neck when she hugs me just because. It’s watching her fearlessly shoot down the big kid slide with her eyes closed tight, and then catching her as she belly laughs endlessly with a smile bigger than the sun. And the best part is- all of these “little” things, are in all actuality, the big things.
It’s the hard times, and the good times that mold and shape me into a wiser, stronger, more resilient version of myself. I am more free and more confident than I have ever been, while my heart has never been so full. And all of this…is JOY.
However, I know that being a Mommy or a Wife isn’t the reason for which I owe all of my joy to. It comes down to something so very great and so very simple…it’s the love I get from God. But the gift of Motherhood He gave me has just added to that joy, and I couldn’t be more grateful.